“We clutter, but don’t leave CRAP around.”

“They put it in the Golden Girls time slot. But I am totally down with the Golden.”

“You know I still whore it up.”

“Me and my red face are going to get our Fluff somewhere else.”

“That is the second time in two days someone has said ‘shat.'”

“You got that bitch good…..well, you got the wrong bitch.”

“If I act upset, they will think I am on meth!”

“People die around me all the time.”

“Was he wearing an eye patch and/or missing fingers?”

“I saw a piece of my crotch in a vile once.”

“I dreamt that my teeth fell out last night….but you don’t need teeth to drink beer!”

“I don’t like ’em firm. I like ’em squishy!”

“I am a not-workaholic.”

“Slacking is an art form.”

“I didn’t start pitching tents until I was 12 or 13.”

“We totally slept in his car. How ghetto camping is that?”

“You guys are talking about horrible things and body parts that I am not suppose to think about.”

“I write daily on my blog about my VAGINA. You don’t get any more personal than that. LEAVE A DAMN COMMENT!”

“Once. Just once. Ok maybe five times.”

“Oh honey your balls aren’t smellin’ so good.”

“The Muffin and I decided if Buddy could talk, he would have a Southern accent. On account of his cow like spots.”
“Yeah, cause cows are southern and all.”

“It was like a cat and a poodle. A Cadoodle!!”

“I got my B.A. in ‘Freak!'”

“I was an economic anorexic. So I can empathize.”

“He said, ‘What a nice pink vagina you have.’ As opposed to what? ‘My! What a black and crusty vagina you have.'”

“I will so stop at the nunnery. I am not kidding.”

“So it all comes back to Salem.”

“If you put Megan and I together we make a whole ass. Awwww.”

“We were the dealers too, but we were the gangsters.”

“If you are gonna be the slut, be the head slut.”
“I told the other sluts what to do!”

“Oregonians are the nicest sons-a-bitches.”

“We went to buy parts for the truck I DON’T EVEN HAVE.”

“Just tell him you’ll pimp his ride when he gets outta jail.”

“Why are you laughing? You were just assaulted!”

“So help me God if he gets me a vacuum for my birthday, he is sleeping on the couch.”

“They are gay for each other. It works for them.”

“Something about Fred Meyer just makes me wanna let go.”

“He leaves the house when I have to poop.”
“Really? I totally fart on his face!”

“Well if the baby is black we’ll know.”

“There is a dick on my face, isn’t there?”

“Do you know what that says? It’s ‘balls’ in Filipino, French, and Spanish.”

Thanks ladies for a fabulous time!! Oh and Megan, thanks for helping me with all the quotes. You are a rockstar!

If you want to see more pictures, you can go here: Wednesday Night Dinner.

“Oh shit. You said vegetable.”

“There should be a children’s book called Squirrels with Guns. It could be on the shelf next to Everybody Poops and Paddington Bear.”

“You know, when I was off.”
“Off your rocker?”

“Oh the consuela is strong with this one.”

“Can someone be orally dyslexic?”

“And that is the cue for me to go downstairs with the guys.”

“Do you re-use your satchel?”

“Skotch. That will be the word of the day tomorrow.”

“What do you mean? New Yorkers don’t have accents.”

“That was my boob. What are you the Nick-of-the-dog-world?”

“That was too sweet for me.”
“That’s because you have a sour soul.”

“Oh! Pardon my nipples.”

“Don’t worry, those are functional now.”

“I can’t believe no one picked my ‘pile of pillows.'”

“You mean I have to say ‘erection’ five more times?”

“Just wait until he gets really mad. He turns purple.”

“Ahhhhh. Shwetty balls. Good times.”

(Phil & Chelle, feel free to let me know if I left anything out!)

“How many drug dealers have, I dated? 1…2…3…4. Yeah 4.” “Wow! You beat me! High five!”

*Phone rings* “You are quite popular tonight.” “What can I say? Booty calls. Booty calls.”

“She didn’t need to tour the units. She has seen many, many units.”

“I worked in the street drug industry. It was a niche market.”

“That would be really hard core…get a potato tatooed on your ankle! But it would have to be a good one or it would just look like a piece of crap.”

“Most of my spare time, I fly. But sometimes I stab. You could be the sometimes.”

“How am I going to remember all this for my blog? Simeon told me I can’t take notes during dinner.”

“So do you have to wear a nun outfit and everything?”

“But seriously, Asians totally annoy me.”

“I will not wear a mashed potato mustache unless he does too.”

“Yeah, I’m a recovering Catholic.”

“I cannot believe someone actually stole your mom’s dog!”

“You are only saying that to impress me. And it’s totally working.”

“Please wipe the drool off the dog’s nose. I hate it when they glisten like that.”

“You mean I actually get to take home TWO containers of leftovers?”

“So do you call a group of nuns a ‘flock’?”

“Are you kidding me?! You couldn’t figure out ’30 + 2′ today.” “It’s true. I couldn’t.”

“How can you be ‘bad’ at stuffing envelopes?”

“I confess. When us women get together, we strip down to our undies and tickle each other with feathers.” “And bubbles. Don’t forget the bubbles.”

“I will never be able to remember that it is called a ‘trivet’ but ‘tit-a-lit” that I can remember!”