Because they suck at it. There have been, um, recent “events” in my circle of friends that has been quite gossip evoking. However, my knowledge of the events is all second-hand. The hands feeding me the gossip? Both boys. Which leaves me in quite a position. A position of little information. Recent conversations have gone something like this:

Boy, off-handedly: Did you hear about what happened on Saturday?
Me, with intrigue: No. What?
Boy: So it looks like several of the girls at Amy’s* party were interested in John**.
Me, in surprise: Really?!
Boy: Yep.

And then he gets up and walks away. Huh? You can’t just drop a bomb like that and then leave me hangin’! So I follow up with John to see why everyone was saying there was a “thing” going on.

John: Hey! So I went to a party on Saturday and finally met Amy. Now it all makes sense.
Me: Yeah? So how was the party?
John: Meh.
Me: Really?
John: Oh I got to hang out with Jason*** so that was fun.
Me: So with all the girls there you manage to hook up?
John: Nah.

And that was pretty much the end of that. Do I get any details? Nope. Any “he said, she said?” Nadda. These boys are KILLING ME. Thankfully, I am getting together with some of my trusty girlfriends tomorrow and I am sure details will be forth-coming.

*Name changed to protect the innocent.
**Name changed to protect the guilty.
***No name change necessary. He is a good guy.

I was just sitting here at my desk thinking I could use a snack. I had a fairly light lunch and was going to need something to sustain me if I planned to go shopping with my friend after work. So, I reached into my handy food drawer to see what might sound good. Soup? Had that for lunch. Almonds? Not in the mood to chew that much. Oatmeal? Nah. Maybe another day. Easy Mac? Sure! I mean when doesn’t mac and cheese sound good?

So I grabbed a bowl, added water and tossed it into the microwave. A few minutes later I grabbed my noodles and stirred in the cheesy goodness. Then I took a bite. At first, things were pretty normal. But a couple bites in I started to notice the consistency was a little….off. Thinking I must have over (or under) microwaved it, I continued eating. Pasta can be a fickle friend, right? Then as I scooped up the last bite, a thought occurred to me: When was the last time I actually bought Easy Mac? So I grabbed another packed out of the drawer to search for the expiration date. Scanning the packaging I suddenly came across the date….

November 19, 2004

November 19th, TWO THOUSAND AND FOUR!!! This thing I just barely finished picking out of my molars was over 15 months PAST its expiration date! Ewwww.

So now I am left sitting here pondering two things: 1) What happens when you eat something that far beyond its expiration date? and 2) when was the last time I cleaned out my desk food drawer?

Like I said before, I am sick. Being in a office setting, everyone loves to recommend products to try and remedies they swear by. I have taken everything from Emer’gen-C, to Throat Coat Tea, to Cold-eeze, to DayQuil and my personal favorite, Sudafed Sinus Headache. The result of the conglomeration? I can’t think straight (so forgive me if there are any typos or none of this makes any sense). Proof I should not be allowed to work while sick:

1. I just made some copies and left them in the copy machine. I did, however, manage to remember to grab the originals.

2. I just told a co-worker to write “NSF” on their paperwork so a check would be processed with no sales charge. What I meant to say was to write “NAV” (net asset value) not “non sufficient funds.” Opps.

3. Twice, I have walked into the supply room only to realize once I was there that I had no idea what I needed in there.

4. Ok, it was really three times.

Thankfully I am off work in an hour and have a nice long weekend ahead of me. Thank you President’s Day! So I plan to spend the remainder of my day sitting on the couch watching Pride and Prejudice, getting up only to switch over the laundry. Having watched the latest version last night with my good friend Lisa, I am in some serious need of a Mr. Darcy fix. *sigh* Hope y’all have a nice relaxing weekend, too.

Today is the day where you declare your undying love and remind yourself how important those around you are, right? Gah. The only think I want to profess my love to is a bottle of NyQuil and my flannel jammies. I am in that starting-to-get-sick spot where my throat is scratchy, I ache all over and keep losing my train of thought.

Yeah… What was I saying? Oh right. Sick!

Thankfully, Simeon isn’t much better than I am. He isn’t quite to the point in the getting-sick-arena as I am (that or he just doesn’t complain as loudly as I do) but he is draggin’ some serious ass today. He got home from Ben Forta’s presentation in Seattle at about 3am and we had to get up for work at 6am. So he is getting sick AND working on little-to-no sleep. Ahhh, my knight in shining armor.

So he is treating me to the Valentine’s Day of my dreams: jammies, our new couch, and take-out. Further proof that I did indeed marry the right man.

…the best thing in the world to hear on the other end is the tiny voice of a child.

I was just sitting here working away when my cell phone rang. I quickly reached into my purse to answer the phone before any of my co-workers complained about the noise. I noticed the caller ID said “Heather’s cell” so I flipped my phone open prepared to chat and instead heard a quiet voice say, “Hello Daddy.” Confused, I replied, “Hello??” Then heard again, “Hello Mommy.”

Then I realized what was going on. Miss Lindsay had called me. She was making some of her “pretend” phone calls to those of us she loves. When she realized someone was actually talking back to her she got excited and said, “Hello Auntie Chloe!” (Apparently that’s who I sound like to her) I quickly turned back to my computer to IM Barney:

simz_girl: hey. where is your daughter?
Barney Boisvert: in the playroom somewhere
Barney Boisvert: i can hear her talking
simz_girl: yeah, she just called me
Barney Boisvert: oh

Apparently since I was the last one Heather called, Lindsay just hit “send” and dialed me up. Heather quickly realized Lindsay was talking to a real someone and got on the phone to investigate. We all got a pretty good chuckle out of it. But I am still sticking to my version of the story where Lindsay intended to call me and chat. Ya know, since it had been awhile. And we needed to catch up. 🙂

Looks like Heather teaching Lindsay to use the phone was quite effective.

Hand me a Starbucks napkin with notes written all over it and ask me to “turn this into something.” Making sure to point out that it must include the phrase, “Hosted by Jose and Hose B.”

simz_girl: Ok, I have a problem:

simz_girl: Every time I try to type “prefers” I type “pregers”

simz_girl: Do you think that means something…..

simz_girl: Seriously. It’s happened like 3 times just this morning.

simbateman: sorry baby.

simbateman: i don’t think it means anything. unless there is something when you are pregnant that makes you bleed.

simz_girl: like, you maybe?

simbateman: i dont make you bleed

simbateman: I make you comfy. I make you lazy. I make you happy.

simbateman: but not bleed

simz_girl: you don’t think you make me bleed?

simz_girl: each time you don’t knock me up, I bleed. from you.

simz_girl: and from all the beatings.

simbateman: i often forget about the beatings.

How to amuse me:
Tell me you forgot your keys at work so you dig mine out of my purse. And take them ALL. Forgetting that we do not carpool on Fridays and I need my own keys to drive to work.

How to annoy me:
Don’t answer your cell phone when I am trying to call you to tell you to turn on the radio because they are playing that weird song you and your brother always sing together.

How to amuse me:
Blame the fact that you didn’t answer your phone on that fact that I simply didn’t call you. “Look! I don’t have any missed calls!” So it must not have actually happened. Obviously.

How to annoy me:
Forget my Starbucks drink order. Hello! There are only two options: grande vanilla chai or grande white chocolate mocha. I order the mocha when I need the caffeine for headaches. Like the one I have today.

How to amuse me:
Refer to me as “Mrs. Sim” because I only go to Starbucks once a day as opposed to the four (or five) times my husband does, so the employees there don’t know me by name.