You Know You’re From Oregon When… |
Your children learned to walk in Birkenstocks.You throw an aluminum can in the trash and feel guilty. You complain about Californians as you sell your house to one for twice as much as you originally paid. You only honk your horn if collision is imminent and never for anything else. You consider something a “hill” (not a mountain) if it doesn’t have snow on it or has not recently erupted, regardless of its altitude. You consider “etiquette” a foreign word. Most of your friends are from California. You find a wallet with $500 and give it back to the owner. You used to live somewhere else but won’t admit it publicly. You’ve ever ordered a half caff/decaf, nonfat mocha grande with sugar-free cranberry whip (or you know what it is). You know a bride & groom that registered at REI. If someone ran your car off the highway, you might drown. You’d be miffed if the store was out of your favorite brand of water. Every day is casual Friday. Hear the word “ferry” and think of boats and long waits. Go to The Coastal Side to avoid the long waits to go for boating. Know at least eight people who work for Intel or Nike, or used to work for Tektronix. You think skiing always means being covered from head to toe, in snow or water. Know that Boring is a town and not just a state of mind. Have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain. You design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit under a raincoat. You return from a California vacation depressed because “all the grass was dead.” Remember the date, severity, time of day, where you were, and how long you were out of power and phone service for every winter weather event in the last five years. Have ever called your insurance agent to ask if your homeowner’s policy covers falling trees, flooding, or mud slides. You never go camping without waterproof matches, ponchos, and mattress pads that double as flotation devices. You believe swimming is not a sport but a survival skill to prevent boating deaths. You own more than 10 articles of clothing that have the names of microbreweries/brewpubs printed on them. You think downtown is “scary” because you were panhandled there, once. You replace your hiking boots with Birkenstock or Teva sandals when the weather gets above 60 degrees. You believe people who use umbrellas are wimps or Californians, or both. |
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